I used to know a girl from primary school. She was often bullied for her intellect and solitary ways. I remember her writing stories in her books all the time. Of course, she had friends… she just preferred reading or writing to the mundane routine of school.
I also remember that someone left a dead frog on her desk and that someone kicked a ball in her face. Someone threw a dead mouse at her and another tried to put grasshoppers in her hair. But she didn’t cry. She stood her ground, looked at her bullies and asked: “Was that supposed to be scary?” or “Was that supposed to hurt?”. She was stronger than most her age and her tears were only given to those who were deemed worthy.
But the thing about such people… is that life slowly whittles away at them. Why? Because there are more people out there that would do harm than good; those who would pick and prey on the misfits.
Furthermore, although none of us are the same people we were in school/college, as we’ve grown and changed, we still have that past version of us inside us, and always will do. That part of us is the foundations of who we are now, for better or worseBLOG POST COMMENT BY @UnwantedLife_Me
This comment on one of the blog posts on my site got me thinking.
That girl grew up into a woman that doesn’t resemble the girl. That girl is me! So where did that fighting spirit go? Can you really lose the essence of your personality because of the stupid things that happened to you? Could you really allow people to change you that much!?
I’m kind of at a loss. So I had to spend some more time thinking about this. And the conclusion that I have come to… I’ve been hiding
I went from being:
To something else entirely:
And now with all my health issues and the fact that I need to embrace change and take action… I’m kinda pissed off.
You might be wondering why this has suddenly come to the forefront of my mind. Therapy! I’m trying to figure myself out with some help. Unfortunately you get confronted with things that you were not expecting to deal with. Yes, it lived in the murky depths of my soul where no one could shine any light on the pain. Pain? You mean that for 20 years I have secretly been torturing myself. Keeping myself small so that others didn’t have to deal with me… so that I didn’t have to explain…
Yea, that’s plenty of reason to be angry. But anger is not a very constructive emotion. You have to take that anger and make it work for you. So the question is
What you gonna do about it?
Don’t laugh… But I gotta become John Wick!
So I’m taking the rest of July to come up with a solid plan for the rest of the year. Lifestyle changes, exercise, self-care, writing, photography… being me! But also being that badass girl I was meant to be from the start!
The only fitting way to end this post would be with the mark of the dragon. In remembrance of who I am:
Do stay tuned for updates on my journey!