Depression

Depression

As part of mental health awareness month, July in South Africa, @SilennnttKiller featured various written pieces on her Instagram/Facebook. I’m very pleased that one of mine was selected for the awareness campaign.

My depression makes me feel like:

  • I’m alone against the world
  • I can’t do my job
  • I can’t see my future
  • I am f@#$ing up all the time
  • I have wasted my life on trivial pursuits
  • I suck as person, as a wife, as a sister, as a daughter
  • I’ll never get my sh!t together

Those are just the mental constructs of my disease. Let’s talk about those other things that go along with it. Like all of these lovely stuffs:

  • I’m in pain all the time
  • I’m tired all the time
  • My excoriation flares up if I feel very low
  • I don’t participate in group activities
  • I don’t keep appointments
  • I am prone to anxiety
  • I’m scared of myself

And can we talk about the “sometimes syndrome”:

  • Sometimes I can’t get out of bed or make it to work on time
  • Sometimes I am extremely forgetful or foggy on details
  • Sometimes I come across as self-centred or selfish
  • Sometimes I only see the negative aspects of the situation
  • Sometimes I feel unloved, unwanted, unaware, unclean, unhealthy….
  • Sometimes I am super emotional, sometimes I’m not

What are some truths that I have learned?

  • Depression lies! It makes you believe things about yourself that aren’t true.
  • Meds help
  • Therapy helps
  • People help
  • Social media cannot validate your existence and you should not use it as a coping mechanism
  • You must be defiant unto yourself: get up when you don’t want to, go out when you don’t want to, live… even if you don’t want too…
outlast jeff probst GIF by CBS
outlast jeff probst GIF by CBS

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