I don’t want to say I’m ok… because if I do things will come apart

I don’t want to say I’m happy… because if I do surely I’ll become sad

I don’t want to say that I’m good… because I have have done so much wrong in my lifetime

I don’t want to say that I’m grateful… because those are the things that will leave me

I don’t really want to think these things… because I know I think too much

And here I am typing this post… because today all I feel is pain & worry & hopelessness

And I hate being like this… and I hate typing this… because then I am making it even more real to me

time-lapse clouds GIF
time-lapse clouds GIF

3 Replies to “Ssssh”

  1. I’m torn between commending you for this beautifully articulated post and saying how sorry I am that you feel this way. I think both apply – you’ve skillfully characterised a horrible feeling, which I think is brilliant, but I also hope it leaves you soon <3

    1. I was torn about putting it up. I don’t like being rooted in the negative. With Depression that’s sometimes unavoidable.
      Took a break and am doing better. Not sure if I should leave the post up. Its very raw!

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